thine ownself be true
so many opinions, so little time.
unless you live under a rock in reno, you probably noticed that burning man happened. this was my second year in non-attendance. had i gone, it would've been my tenth year out in the desert.
that's a lot of summers, hell, that's a lot of years to give to anything... let alone burning man.
let me just say, i don't feel like i missed a thing.
if anything, i've been listening to my gut all summer (and longer) about my general disgust for what the institution of burning man has become. a party for the privileged, a drug-saturated mecca for the elite, a complete waste of money on the individual and industry level, and a shame of a shadow of what the event used to be. a throw-away pit of time and creative effort for artisans and crafters... a hollow goal.
i used my time not at burning man wisely and in return was given the opportunity to teach middle school art class which i'm absolutely in love with. the methodolody, the kids, the school--it's all fallen into beautiful place and i couldn't be happier with my decision to stay away from all things burning man related in order to enhance my life in permanent reality. i listen to the kids describe what burning man is to each other and....from the mouths of babes:
"it's a drug party in the desert"
"it's where adults run around naked all week"
"it's where they do drugs and play with fire"
"they build this huge stuff and set it on fire and dance around it"
makes me wonder what we're showing the next generation of kids. what they see... what they hear... what they're learning... and how they learned it....
i feel bad for burners these days and i can't shake the feeling. like... they're headed out to no where to rekindle whatever spark that made them feel whole the first time they found it. i feel at odds with burner artists as well. how much of what you're creating (especially to burn) is genuine art... and how much is a glorified soap box of spotlight and ego?
there's been a lot in my newsfeed about making sustainable art--not wasting $266,000 on art to be burned and making large scale funded art projects more permanent... or something. sounds like back pedaling and excuses to me--especially after the fact. whatever helps you sleep at night, i guess. my point in feeling bad for burners is that i genuinely hope they reinvest their inner-light into something that fucking matters. their community. their kids. their local or global needs. anything other than this money-guided rape of resources, materials, artists, and land. i hope each burner finds the ability to be his or herself... anywhere he or she is--not just on the playa.
listen, if you went out there and... had the best acid trip ever and briefly "found yourself" on whatever night of the event or worked on a project that people patted you on the back for... or... handed out food and booze to strangers to feel as if you were giving back....i'm happy for you. i'm glad unique you went out of town to do that with thousands of other unique people.
i'm just glad i stayed home.
in other news,
got my dream job.
gonna do everything in my power to keep this in my life and pursue it with the fervor it deserves. i was fortunate enough to help out at the end of last year at this school and knew i loved the job then. i was also fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time to offer my services and talent on a more permanent level and i could not be more stoked.
with this new dream job comes new exhaustion. i'm working an average of 47 hours a week for the next who knows which has really put painting on the back burner. it's a weird feeling. i'm trying to acclimate. trying to motivate, and trying to get into a rhythm where i can paint and be creative again and it's taking a fuckton of self discipline.
...a metric fuckton...
i postponed my tarot project sneak peak show at singer social club for september/october and i couldn't be more relieved. i found myself in stressful tears at the thought of having to bust out so much work in so little time on a project and series that's consumed so much of my life for the past two years. i've come to terms with the fact that the tarot will teach me patience through it's creative journey whether i like it or not.
in other, other news....
i'm totally in love.
i met two boys that i'm wild about.
well, one and his son.
shhhhh, he doesn't like it when i share this sorta thing on the internets or on the faceboks--that's assuming he actually reads this.
troll me good.
it's been an absolute backwards joyride aligning myself into their lives but... it feels good. like...real good. like love good. like twitterpated good. with the world up in the air and work sucking the life out of me, it's nice to have a good man around to fan the flames inside me when they start to flicker. it's an interesting thing, being an artist with such consumptive creative tendencies.... and trying to balance the love of another person. happiness and sadness are almost symbiotic to me and all i want to do is pour everything i have into everything i've got.
i can't imagine that i'm easy to love. i expect a lot out of who i allow to hold my hand. i am imperfect, but i'm mostly good. i'd do it all over again if i could. feeling pretty lucky.
i'll make a new video of my new studio in my new house with my new loves as soon as i get back into painting.
let's cross our fingers together that it's sooner before later.
this is how i've decided to survive 2014.
there's an art bitch inside me.
imagine a tiny scantily dressed, art savvy and violently sassy 1990's rosie perez permanently perched atop my shoulder. she advises me what to tolerate and what to explode over... it's her little hands with bright, fake nails that help take my earrings off when i'm about to throw down semi-metaphorically on someone whom i believe is a) committing an art crime b) being a fucking idiot in need of real talk c) moving their mouth without intelligence d) sunday driving on a tuesday e) needs his or her ego put in check f) fucking up MY art g) wrong.
my solution? very little horrible shit coming out of my mouth and a tiny puerto rican woman to blame when it does.
it's been a relatively quiet year for me--art wise. i've been developing my tarot project slowly but surely and it's progress has thus far been very well received. i'm still planning on a solo show in september at singer social club--not particularly wild about the venue, but i totally committed to the place before i saw the layout, lighting, design. lesson learned. i've been in there a couple of time for the new and successful art walk reno and haven't been tickled. granted, rosie and i are really really hard to impress and quite frankly, we're sick of hanging my art in bars. been there, done that. it's dim, nobody buys shit, it influences the perceived value, and my work deserves better.
i haven't had any solo shows and i've only participated in a handful of group events (eric santti's circle project most prominently).
i'm working on illustrating some short story panels for my friend chris at YA'LL ARE DEAD/Sunday Snuff which is totally interesting and outside my element. as in i get to draw aids infested toilet pubes and, if it enhances the story-telling, maybe a sick anus or two that's fallen out of itself from disease. cross your fingers, everyone. i'm stoked on this.
aside from a few rants about the generator's general hypocrisy and lack of follow through and leadership, that place still stands. somehow. i know that we're all supposed to help out our fellow man... and that artists should stick together and come when called upon and etc etc etc. i just have never seen anything like the ol' genny and it's animal farm-esque leadership. it feels really good in there sometimes and other times fake as fuck. again, the juice hasn't been worth the squeeze.
burning man is coming and no, i won't be in attendance this year either. unless some amazing project that is perfect for me comes my way... i get a free ticket... and i can jaunt off by myself without losing my job. so basically if the accidental stars align, i might head out for the weekend. otherwise, i'll pass.
i dunno what rosie and i are gonna do.
pretty sure we're just gonna blow this city out of the art water in the next year and until then maybe write a few more passive aggressive blogs to myself, for myself, about myself and wait patiently for our (mine and rosie's) time to shine.
where i'll post the in's, out's, tween's, and twixt's of my world of art mixed with pictures, links, opinions, and rants. (oh, and curse words. lots of curse words)